Well, I reached a breaking point. Or I broke….or both. This last year I have been in survival mode. Doing what I needed to do to keep my head above water. Financial stress, emotional stress, business stress… I have carried it all. My personality is to do what needs to be done and I rarely ask for help. What happened is I thought I was taking care of myself, I was drinking plenty of water, taking the supplements, eating clean, and hitting it hard in the gym. I was not counterbalancing it with anything. I had moments of reprieve, escape or relief but not many. And in all honesty, this is not the first time, I broke down other times too, silently or in a couple of friends arms. For the most part, I just kept my head down and kept pushing through, thinking “I am almost there.”
I am an all-in type of gal so I just remained focused and if I had a hard day, I would just go back to the gym! The gym became my outlet and instead of crying or pouring a drink, I would workout, again. As stress mounted, I would lay at night with complete insomnia while my brain calculated all the tasks I needed to be doing. Honestly, until February I felt healthy. I was able to compartmentalize and from a business perspective, I was actually operating at my peak. I was on my A-game. I love my work– my office was my happy place and another escape!!!
In February, I started noticing I was off. I kept silent. Knew I was tired. Knew I was finalizing a divorce. Knew I was moving and buying a house and moving again. First, I noticed my vision was off (I will save my health for another blog post because it would hijack the point and it’s a long story). The point is I was grinding, my body was sending me all kinds of warning signs, and I kept going — maybe even harder. Honestly, I had no freaking choice on some of the changes that I had to tackle
I know I was meant to walk this journey. To feel this all. I also know there is way more fight left in me and little by little day-by-day, I am going to figure it all out and the people who are meant to be in my life will be. It will be a fight and a force that can not be denied.
And because blogs are way better with images! Here is me getting answers and taking control of my body and healing.
Here is a little update on the home front. Little by little it is feeling like home and issues are getting sorted out! One day, one little thing at a time!
Thanks for being here friends. More to come from me soon!
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