That was honestly the hardest post I have ever shared and I can not even tell you how many times I almost shared it before finally hitting publish. If you missed it, I am officially divorced. This is something I had so much anxiety over sharing. Here I was, the author of Start Balancing sharing that I was getting a divorce. I had all these preconceived notions in my head of how it would be received. But life happens, friends and this IS balance for me. Walking my truth is just something I have to do.
For one reason or another, it just didn’t feel right every time I almost shared. My move started even more questions and I finally felt like it was time. It was official. Through this process, every single decision I have made has been with my boys’ wellbeing as the top priority. There are some who don’t like that I shared it–felt like it was private and not for the world to see. That is okay. You can believe whatever you wish, but here are my “whys”…
I kept this one aspect of my life private for over a year. My public life affects more than just myself, it affects my boys as well. I made the choice to share when I was ready and we were ready. It was not always easy for me not to share as I pull strength from my audience and I wear my heart on my sleeve in everything I do. Passion and emotion run deep in every fiber of my being, and believe me, there were days when I felt like I couldn’t breathe or move forward and I wanted and needed that support.
My marriage and family life had been previously intertwined in everything that I did, and the people who knew me and followed me for years saw and noticed the shift. Between a 50,000 following on Facebook and 16,000 on Instagram, I was getting hit with questions daily. I knew at some point I wanted to talk about this, as it is a topic that over 50% of the population faces but rarely talks about, but as a mother and doing what was best for myself and my kids, I needed to wait for the timing to be right.
I’m an adult. It is my life. My choice. Know I choose to share when I was ready to share and wanted to share.
Overall the majority of people have been super supportive. For the reasons above, I will be as open as I can, but this is still a private matter with children involved, so please be respectful with your questions. There will be aspects that I am still not (and never will be) willing to share, so if you don’t recieve an answer from me on certain questions, that is why.
Here are a couple of commonly asked questions:
Did you move? Yes, I have moved. I am living at Dickerson Hill (@dickersonhill). No, I will not live here forever, it is temporary. More on this soon.
Did you keep ownership of your companies? 100%. Someone asked yesterday “Does this mean you will continue doing your START companies?” YES! This means that I am taking them all up ten notches, friends! Each of the companies are part of me. My passion runs deep for each of them! We are in the middle of a challenge for STARTdetoxing.com and we have projects on the boilerplate. STARTplanner just launched our mid-year line with products that have been sold out since January. StartLovingYou.com is exactly ONE MONTH from today! I am pumped to teach, to share, to light a fire in other women! StartBalancing.com know that if you want this version of the book, you better snag it…that is all I am going to say there for now.
Did you seek help? YES! I attended counseling every week for months upon months. I was stuck and then clear and then stuck and clear. My coping mechanism is words. Even this blog post is healing. She recommended I start journaling last year–saying what I would have wanted to say. Write letters. Write down how I feel or don’t feel. I have been journaling this entire year. I re-read back through often and I am blown away by my mindset on certain days. So, as I sit here with a clear mind and positive outlook right now, it has not always been the case and I have been diligently working through this with a professional on my side.
How is your health? Healthwise I am back to 90%. I was dealing with getting overdosed while also dealing with the most transitional aspect of my life ever. There are a couple of people I owe everything too for helping me keep my shit together. I spoke to an attorney yesterday about it and he said I have a solid malpractice case that can land on the doctor, the doctor’s employer, the pharmacist, or the pharmacist’s employers. Right now I plan to do nothing but to wait and see. I am young and luckily healthy so I am aiming for 100% recovery. Here is what I have also learned…not every fight is my fight. For someone like me, I don’t back down from much, but you realize that with every choice there are opportunity costs and real costs. Do I want my energy focused on yet another lawsuit or do I want to be like “Well that sucked, I learned, I shared and hopefully it impacted others but I am choosing not to fight this battle.” My time is limited and I will be very careful of where, with whom, and how I distribute it!
Do you have custody? I will say we agreed on 50/50. My boys have an amazing dad. He knows that and anyone who knows us well knows that. Kids need both parents and ours will get both.
Although it was the hardest thing to do, it was also freeing as well. This has also sparked yet another fire in my soul. I know am driven not only by my internal drive but by the drive for others who are walking this journey, wanting to walk this journey or are just living an “okay life”. I have not been put on this earth to just live an “okay life” and I choose with a glimmer of hope, and knowing that it will not be easy, that it is amazing out there. The life that I want is worth fighting for.